Have you ever truly sat for a moment and thought about the life of a dog? Now I'm not talking about Michael Vick's dogs or the dogs at the local pound. Nope. I'm talking about the diva dogs that freely roam our green marble. I have had dogs most of my life and I love dogs (not so much for cats, except you Ducky!) but I must confess that I don't understand the mentality of lap dogs. I have inherited two of these mythical beasts. A Maltese-Shitzu mix named Riley, and a neurotic Yorkshire Terrier named, of all things, Fergie. The mindset of medium our to large dogs is completely different and diametrically opposed to that of lap dogs. A "dawg" (Southern slang for a REAL dog) generally lives outside in the great wide-open. Happy to make the occasional visit inside to receive a much deserved treat for not crapping on the front walkway. He is so excited to actually BE inside your beloved home, he will likely do precisely what you're about to reward him for not doing; crap right on your hardwood floors! But it's only because he is so happy to be a guest in your domain; he understands that he is, in fact, a guest. But for lap dogs, it's a different story altogether.
Lap dogs feel a sense of entitlement to you, your time, and your shit. They will play with your socks and underwear as if they were recently purchased at Pet Smart, the crack store for dogs. Your shit it their shit. My two beloved demons are no different.....the neurotic Yorkie demands the spotlight when she enters the room, regardless of who else may be in the room. Could be the Pope, Elvis, or Johnny Carson; doesn't matter. And if, in the off chance that she does not receive the fully spotlight that she feels she deserves, she will park her petite little ass right at your feet and YAP! YAP! YAP! all the live-long day. (lap dogs do not bark, they YAP!) She is figuratively and often literally so far up her momma's hind parts, she's not really sure which way is up.
The Maltese-Shitzu mix, Riley, is a bit more laid back, as lap dogs go. He chases flies that aren't really there, and often he will catch one. He's a pretty boy and the apple of his momma's eye, especially when he barks at the least little sound at 11:30 at night. He's SUCH a good guard dog! Or not......
These are my dogs. I told a neighbor, while walking the Yorkie the other day, "I hope to have a real dog when I grow up." He got a kick out of it as he walked his 80-pound chocolate Lab. I do love my dogs though. They are good people.....because they THINK they ARE people.
