Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Illegal Immigration......Simplified

America is the greatest country on our little blue marble; I have stated this fact before. And we do have more than our share of issues going on here. I mean, we're still babies as far as nations go; we're still trying to figure this thing out. But there is one single issue that can be cured without alot of hulabaloo. This issue is illegal immigration. This single issue is costing our taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars every year, and it's got to stop. Or at least brought to a very slow trickle.
Now I understand that this wonderful nation is made up of immigrants; save my Native American brothers. America is the place where a person can literally be anything they choose to be. We have more freedoms in this country than most of its citizens even realize. That's what makes it so attractive. But America is also a nation of laws and if you, Mr. Immigrant are here without the proper documentation, you are breaking our laws. I'm not really certain why this is. For instance, the next time you have a free moment, try to sneak into China and send us a postcard to let us know what happened. Or how about crossing the border illegally into Iran? The climate is always warm, I hear. You know why immigrants aren't lined up at the border to get into these veritable wonderlands? Because they will shoot your collective asses on sight if they catch you attempting to sneak into the country. So why does America continue to allow this? Just like a small child who keeps getting into the cookie jar, after the parent has repeatedly told him or her not to, THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES.
So, after spending all of 15 minutes at my desk yesterday I have developed not just one plan....oh no! I have come up with two plans for controlling the illegal immigrant population. Ready? Now these are very detailed and highly thought-out, so please read slowly and try to stay with me.

Plan A: Commit as many Armed Americans as possible to the borders of this country; both North and South. I don't care what it costs, because whatever the cost to do this, it's less expensive than the illegals are costing us every day! These Armed Americans will be ordered to shoot on-sight, any adult trying to cross our borders illegally. Children with parents will be immediately deported. Just shoot 'em and carry their carcasses back across the border and make a daily phone call to the leader of whatever country they came from and tell him that he can pick up "x" number of bodies at midnight.

Plan B: I developed this one for my more humanitarian relatives that follow this blog. Plan B would allow our eager illegals (try saying that 3 times really fast!) to cross over into our country. However, upon arrival, they would be immediately enlisted into the Infantry Division of the U.S. Army and sent to one of three exotic locations: Iraq, Pakistan, or Afghanistan. Here they will be required to serve a 5-year enlistment defending the country that they obviously adore. If they refuse or are unable to complete this 5-year opportunity, they would then be required to take up residence in the country i which they are currently serving, because that's where they will be left!
However, after completion of the "probationary period", and after completing an E.S.L. course, they will be welcomed home as both a hero and a U.S. citizen!
Everybody wins!!!
As previously stated, there are many issues in this country, but illegal immigration ain't one of them.